Broke as a joke.

Tom and I have been married for almost 7 years. In that time I have spent 268 weeks either pregnant or nursing (or sometimes both.). 268 WEEKS!

Let me break that down for ya. That is about 5.15 years. To be more specific, it means 1,876 days of total body invasion. That is over 45,000 hours.

So, here's how I figure it... At $7.25 an hour, I would have made $326,424 by now. That averages out to a yearly salary of $63,383. But, do you know how much I actually made for all this work? Zero dollars.

Now, I would be willing to settle for $3.25 an hour. Or a dollar an hour. Heck, I'll even take a dollar a kid. Because at this point motherhood has not been terribly lucrative.

Once, (during a low point personally) I added up all the time I would spend in my lifetime trimming fingernails and toenails. I have to take care of my twenty, plus each kids has twenty.... So that is 100 nails I am in charge of. I figured out that I would spend like four full months in my lifetime just trimming nails, that is 4 months of 24 hour per day trimapalooza.

Between the nails, and the diapers and the laundry, the occasional bite while breast feeding, the literal kicks to the inside of your rib cage, the spit-up that you don't even know is running down the back of your shirt... You would think SOMEONE would be giving me the $7.25/hr.

I love being a mom, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. (Sure, I have my moments where I fantasize about driving my anything-but-a-van to work, I walk in with a starbucks and an expensive pantsuit. Oooh, and highlights. It's my fantasy, and here I have great shoes and highlights. And a mother salary.). But, other than the occasional pantsuit dreams, I love love love what I do.

I just wish I got one measly penny per fingernail.

But for now, I guess I will take the payment I get. Because, it's not all spit-up and nail clippings. It's also a lot of hugs, smiles, sloppy kisses, squealy giggles, memories, and first moments... and more joy than any pantsuit could ever bring. Maybe someday I will get to be a grown-up, with a car that accommodates a reasonable-but-not-excessive number of passengers, and I'll have a job that pays me *something* for the work I do. Maybe I'll be required to wear pantsuits, and I'll have great shoes and highlights after all. But, I'll probably miss this season of my life. And I'll wish I had savored this time more. I might even miss the van. (However, I seriously doubt it.) But, I guess that a van isn't the worst thing... If it's full of everything you love.

We're not in Kansas anymore.

Well... It's here. The end of our trip.

I guess I'll go back and update how the last several days have gone. After the Grand Canyon, we camped at the Navajo National Monument Campground in Shonto, AZ. It has some of the best preserved, original navajo cliff dwellings in the country. It has free primitive camping, an unbelievable view of a huge canyon, and red ants. But, that was not my concern... I was terrified of the HEAT! In the dessert, our car registered a temperature of 130 degrees. I am certain that was not accurate, but still... Even if it was off by 20 degrees, it was still outta control hot.

But the night was actually beautiful in the desert! We set up camp around 7pm, so the temp had already dropped to 88. we cooked fish, lentils, brown rice and corn and got in the tent to play pass the pigs and a round of war. we slept without the fly, under THE clearest and most beautiful sky I've ever seen. It was the perfect temperature all night.
In the morning, we packed up and headed to arches national park. Also ridiculously beautiful. We did a very short hike to see the double arches, and climbed just a little. I got so many great pictures of the girls climbing into a little cave. Harper stayed at the bottom yelling "echo."

That night, we did a last minute campsite change because the one we had planned on had "a LOT of bears.". Since we couldn't exactly hoist two coolers and a bin up into a tree... We opted for a less primitive site for the night. It was still private, and really nice, complete with a mountain view and babbling brook. It's really getting ridiculous how gorgeous some of these places have been.

in the morning, we headed to great sand dunes national park. These dunes were quite a challenge for the kids. Harper was exhausted and had "mall-leg" (which is what tom gets if he has to walk around a shopping mall for more than 15 minutes.) And marlie was pretty much bent over in the shape of a horseshoe most the time. Annalee was a trooper, pushing herself to climb up one dune. It was a lot harder than it sounds... Especially if both your feet were boiled off in the sand. Which mine were.

From the sand dunes we did a crazy through-the-night drive through the rest of colorado and into kansas. We arrived at 6am to visit our wonderful friends merrie and lance, and their son javan. It was so much fun there. Merrie is a great cook, and spoiled us with food and the best water I've ever tasted. (I really don't know if it is because we have been drinking hot water out of boiling nalgene bottles, or if her water really is the best, but it was seriously good.)

The kids all had a great time at the sprinkler park, and their little children's museum. It was sad to say goodbye today, but we had such a nice visit... I'm certain they will skip their upcoming honeymoon to puerta vallarte in order to come to rochester to visit us instead.

We were trucking along through illinois and indiana, when we called to confirm campground reservations. We were warned not to tent camp tonight because of the severe thunderstorms that would be happening all night. So, after a lot of vascillating between toughing it out in the thunder and lighting, or doing another drive through the night... We decided just to head home tonight instead of tomorrow.

So, with great sadness we are actually heading home. We should arrive around 4am, tuck our kids in their own beds and sleep inside our own house. I know I should feel so relieved to get home, but the truth is that I am sad to see this adventure come to an end. I feel like a kid that has to leave summer camp and just isn't ready to. It has been the best summer of my life, and I have to say that I have never been more thankful for the husband and family I have. Not every husband would let their wife convince them to do this crazy trip. And even fewer would be able to singlehandedly set up a tent as fast as tom can. It's kinda hot.

Well all, thanks for reading. I'm sure that more stories and quotes from this trip will surface again. Thanks to those that prayed for our fun and safety, and especially to those that opened their homes to us while we stunk so badly. Love to you all!

Never in a million years, road trip edition

As some of my regulars (all four of you) know, I recently posted a blog called "never in a million years." It was a list of things that I never thought would ever come out of my mouth, but thanks to parenthood, actually did. So, this is a special, limited time only, road-trip edition of things I never thought I'd have to say out loud. Never in a million years.

1) "You may not even SAY juice box." (Said to harper, in response to the 455th request for a juice box.)
2) "do you smell butter?" (Referring to the unique smell of London's full diaper.)
3) "there is no jumping, pushing or pulling by a canyon."
4) "no thank you risking your life."
5) "thank you for apologizing, I forgive you, but if you do that again you will fall and crash and be all gone."
6) "clap real loud so the rattlesnakes know we're coming."
Z7)"k guys, we have to eat very tidy so the bears don't come."
8) "honey, that's not a geyser, that's a sprinkler." (or fog, steam, a smokestack, etc.)
9) "I promise you will not fall in that big toilet."
10) "no, you may not." (Said in response to marlie asking "can I just get one little pinch of that baby's bun?"
11) "nope, no more picking rare flowers."
12) "we do not put our native american clay stones in our mouths."
13) "for a moment." (In response to harper asking if he can "be wake?")
14) "honey, you're not burning."
15) "I know sweetheart, we're all burning."
16) "look at that little granny, isn't she cute?"
17) "you need to apologize to christine for peeing at her party."
18) "london's pacifier is not in the oven."
19) "she just spit up in my mouth! Ew, my own breastmilk..."

Some like it hot.

we concluded our lovely visit in california with a grand finale of a migraine and a nasty case of poison ivy. I am noticing a trend in my life lately: whenever I start feeling like things are going well, things start go, ummm... less well.

I have to attribute this to my deep and unresolved pride issue, because every time I say how "my kids get along sooo great" they suddenly fall apart in front of whomever I just praised them. Just when I proudly say out loud how "harper has been potty-trained for so long" he starts habitually drilling into his handy manny underpants like he's getting commission for it. As soon as I say "this trip is going so smoothly" I wake up with a migraine and tom looks like a burn victim where the poison ivy is slowly "melting his skin." (His words.)

So, given the migraine (and his ever-faithful companion: nausea) I was pretty useless yesterday morning, so tom had to pack everything up by himself, which is a big job, especially for an almost-amputee. Needless to say, we got a late start.

We did our usual unnecessarily long (and out of our way) drive in order to hit nevada, then into prescott, az. (Pronounced like biscuit, as in "prescotts 'n gravy.") What saved us (and our delayed, migrained, poisoned, deformed selves) was a phone call to my in-laws updating them on our location and schedule. They (randomly) have friends in prescott, who also happen to conveniently be THE nicest people on the planet. They also happen to be willing hosts. with a basement. and pie. They are the best.

So, instead of driving through the desert at 10:30pm trying to find a flat, safe and rattlesnake-free campsite in the dark, we ate pie with mark and shelly baker. We were so blessed to be able to stay with them, and without much notice.

I know that God's hand has been over us. I know that he is the one that is keeping us safe, sparing us from all sorts of potential disasters. And I know that he mustn't be loving any pride I have, because god seems eager to humble me at first sight of it.

So, we just got into grand canyon national park. It is really more vast and beautiful than I could even attempt to describe, let alone capture in a photograph. But no sooner than I was thinking "we've done it! We've arrived! Nobody thought we could make it this far with this many kids... But here we are, at the GRAND CANYON!" Harper completely fell apart. He pottied in his undies, cried and fussed. So tom took the girls to view the gorgeous canyon, while harper and I sit in the van. We both lost the privilege. He, for throwing a fit. And I, for good old fashioned pride.

So, we are nearing the end of the trip and while I have loved almost every minute... I won't bother saying how brilliant things are going. Because just as soon as I do that, I will slip while we are hiking and will get propelled off the highest cliff at the grand canyon, being humbled by my imminent death.

this is how we do it...

the two youngest are sleeping and the two oldest are squealing together with sheer delight in the back yard. oh, how i love having little ones that sleep well and bigger ones that can play independently for hours on end! this is vacation.

in reality though, this xc trip has seldom felt like actually vacating our lives. all the time we spent preparing (the itinerary, the meals, the destinations, the details) have resulted in a fun and smooth trip, but did not eliminate all the hard work.we have taken this opportunity to really focus on some character issues with each of the children, and have done our best to correct some of the attitudes and behaviors we saw creeping into their lives when we weren't as diligently focused. we have had to get up early and often get down late. we have driven thousands upon thousands of miles, many of which on roads so winding they made me want to throw up on my atlas. we have set up camp and tore it down countless times, most of the time within a twelve hour window. we have cooked or prepared meals on picnic tables, in the car, and sometimes even on the ground. we have done lots of dishes without once using a sink. it has not been a convenient vacating of our daily lives. in a way, it has sort of been like taking all our usual chores and forced us to do them (or at least a micro-version of them) on the road. it has been a lot of work.

so, why on earth am i loving it so much? perhaps it's because at home, a lot of those chores are left undone anyways, and heaps of guilt inevitably ensue. or maybe it is because i am energized by the activity level we have maintained, or maybe it is empowering just to see all that we are capable of as a family. i am not sure which... but, i think i would take this "vacation" over a typical one any day. it has been such an adventure.

we are over halfway through the trip at this point. we are in pauma valley, ca at uncle brandon and aunt shannon's house. the kids are loving it here, playing with their cousins and having a few days off of travel-mode. all the kids are playing so well together and it has been such a great time so far. brandon is on his way home from the airport right now, as he has actually been in new york for a mission trip! so, we are all excited to see him.

we will be leaving here on the 13th and heading toward the grand canyon. we have a lot left to see yet, and i am already starting to feel a little sad about the trip winding down. i have loved having our whole family spend uninterrupted time together, without any of the distractions of everyday life at home. i have loved watching the girls (especially) bond during this time, and, admittedly, i have loved having harper strapped down to a seat much of the day.

so, until we are back on the road... i am going to enjoy the little time we have left to just relax at bran and shan's, actually vacating. two kids sleeping and two kids playing. i'm one lucky gal.

our theme verse - Deuteronomy 1:29-33

hello all. it's tom - making a cameo on lara's blog. kim asked what our theme verse is for our trip. we're memorizing it together as a family. You have heard it mentioned in some of the previous posts. here it is:

God, your God, is leading the way; he's fighting for you. You saw with your own eyes what he did for you in Egypt; you saw what he did in the wilderness, how God, your God, carried you as a father carries his child, carried you the whole way until you arrived here. But now that you're here, you won't trust God, your God - this same God who goes ahead of you in your travels to scout out a place to pitch camp, a fire by night and a cloud by day to show you the way to go.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

@laracapuano